Hitting the pavement!

I seem to keep running into some similar themes in my life lately. I was thinking some more about Involution and remembered another post from the Yeah Dave Yoga blog I follow.

I was thinking about what Dave said in his intro story. In 1995, there were no cell phones or computers at our fingertips. That made it easier to be in the moment and enjoy each other. Not that we don't do that now, but we have to make the consious effort to put the cell phone on 'silent' or (a personal problem for me) take the blue tooth out of my ear.

But when was the last time you just laid on the grass and looked at the sky?

Wow! Haven't done that in ages!

I thought about my day on Saturday. I had insomnia the night before, so between falling asleep late and having to get up early to take my son to his drama competition, I only got 5 1/2 hours of sleep. Instead of working out at 8, I cheered up a couple of friends on Facebook until I was yawning so much that the tears were running freely. I had to go back to bed. Then, of course, by 11:30 I woke up starving, which meant I needed to finish cleaning the kitchen from the dinner I'd hosted the night before (putting away all the clean dishes, wiping down the counters, sweeping the floor, putting everything else away) before I could make breakfast, etc. So it was just one of those days when all my best-laid plans went to waste.

However, I did spend some good time with my daughter looking over her old photo albums. We even broke out the VHS tape of her first haircut and my son's 3rd birthday at Disneyland. The Storybook Land Canal boats was so much fun to watch! D and B were sitting up front on the 'deck', and he was excitedly shouting, "Look! One piggy house! Two piggy house! Three piggy house! (for the 3 little pigs) Oh!! Aladdin over there! Look! Over there! Hi Aladdin!! (waving furiously) And there a house... and there a house.... and there a house!!! Oh! Pick-ah-no-key-no!! (Pinocchio)" etc. It was so darn cute!

All of my reminiscing was inspired by a friend's post; his new baby smiled for the first time.

Later on, I did wind up dragging my sorry butt out of the house, taking an hour-long walk from 7 to 8. I was really glad I did.

I realized that it's so easy to sit inside on days when we don't feel well - or at least not up to snuff. Especially if the physical is mixed together with the emotional. And heck, in this economy, who isn't stressed and mildly depressed (if not more so!)

With the sun setting, I was of a mind to just put in a DVD and exercise at home, but I MADE myself go outside. It was a beautiful day, and it was a lovely evening as a result. As I walked, I found my mood lightening and my head clearing as I drew in the clear evening air and exhaled my worries and tension. It was so nice! I noticed the coolness of the air on my skin and the tissues of my nose. I could smell the heady perfume of the flowers as they began to close for the night. I also smelled the barbecues as people grilled their dinners. I noticed the vibrant colors of the flowers in people's yards - many of the annuals freshly planted. Hearing the birds call as they went to their nests for the night, or the occasional trickle of a fountain. Seeing an owl set off to hunt. Greeting neighbors with a smile and a nod. Watching a dad and his kids play hide-and-seek at dusk. It was a great walk!

And instead of following instructions on an exercise video, my mind was free to focus on me. To feel what was going on in my body as I pushed my stride to match the beat of the music. To count my steps for my inhales and exhales. Feeling the energy course through me. And then, to think.

I realized that just getting outside was so important. There was so much I saw and experienced on that walk that I would have missed if I was stuck working out inside. As it is, I do most of my exercise by myself, but that doesn't mean I have to be isolated, too. And even more importantly, I recognized the importance of being 'out in the world' rather than curled up in my cave. The economy is bad, things are stressful, moods are sour; which are all good reasons for us to want to lick our wounds instead of venturing out into the world. However, by getting outside, I saw so much to be thankful for. I was able to experience so much more than if I'd been inside. And even more importantly, I was able to let go of so many of the negative thoughts and feelings I'd had all day.

I started out my walk full of worries: all the things I still had left on my to-do list, everything I'd put off doing which made me feel so much further behind. But then I realized that what I had done that day was valuable. I nurtured my body by getting the sleep it so clearly needed. I nurtured my relationship with my daughter by sitting and talking to her about my childhood and hers. I enjoyed time with my family watching Heroes and discussing plot lines - losing ourselves in the story instead of worrying about what was going on in our lives. And I was taking care of me.

So as I walked, I turned my inner dialogue from negatives into positives. Praising myself and putting my 'needs' into positive terms. Not begging the universe for help, but rather announcing my ability and confidence to do what must be done. To free myself from the paralyzing fear which so many who have a chronic condition feel, by remembering that I can and have done so much. I am a strong woman. I am a positive spirit. I will be OK. I will be BETTER than OK. Life is good, and I will enjoy it instead of letting it slip away, day by day, worrying about what I can't or haven't done. I can establish a plan and follow through - even if it's just on a daily basis. Knowing that it's OK if I can't do everything each day; the mere fact that I've gone to bed with a clear plan in my head for the following day, being able to do even part of what I wanted, is better than having no plan to conquer the pile of things I've been putting off. I'll feel better when I accomplish a task or two a day, and if I keep at it, eventually that pile will dwindle. I'm not so delusional to think that it will disappear completely, but it will get smaller and become more manageable.

The first thing is to re-start Debra Norville's book "Thank You Power" and to crack open my gratitude journal and put it to use. I can choose to focus on the negative, or I can return to the happiest days I've had in recent years by focusing on my daisies every day. Involution, appreciation, and reflection.

I can do it!

Involution. Gimme some!

The other day I was getting caught up on blogs I like to follow but, well, haven't been following very well lately. One of my favorites is Yeah Dave Yoga by Dave Romanelli. He's a great story teller, with a great sense of humor, and he always has a really good insight to go with whatever he's discussing.

I read a bunch of funny posts. I laughed so hard at his entry about people who jog in place that I was continually doubled over in laughter. I thought it amusing to discover when reading his analysis of how people hug that, of course, I'm a yoga hugger. My sister Susan is a knuckle-curve hugger - she lifts you up at the end of her hugs and squeezes you so hard that all the breath gets pushed out of your lungs. And the 3rd hug... well, that would be my husband. He says his hugs only have 2 taps at the end (to signify "I'm done" because he doesn't like people invading his personal space.) But really? Talk about opposites attracting! A NFW hug from my own husband?!? Really??

I laughed right along, reading his past posts. Until I got to a post about a yogic way to approach the economy.

Now, I thought about taunting some of my Republican friends with this article, simply to see if I could get the vein in their forehead to throb. (It's a mutual game we play. They don't like to debate with me so much as Dem-bait me.) That is, until I got to the part about Involution.

That's when I stopped and said, "Woah!"

Now, dictionary.com defines involution as 'involvement'. Yeah Dave took that to another place, one in which we decide our level of involvement in things by knowing when to say 'no'. When to NOT be involved because it doesn't benefit our greater good.

I'd never heard that term before, but I know that saying 'no' is one of the things that I have great difficulty with. Whether it's helping out at school (being on the PTA stressed me out to no end! Yet I did it... twice!), going to events with my extended family because I should rather than having them be positive and enjoyable, or keeping people in my life because it's polite as opposed to beneficial to me in any way.

When I shared this with Al, this was her reply:
I've often felt that there were too many elements in my life that I've been making room for that don't really add much value; yet, to the extent that I'm not ridding my life of them and moving on is the same extent to which I'm preventing room for something more gratifying, more valuable, more enjoyable, etc.

And hearing Al's insight made the whole thing gel with me. I mean, if we continually say 'yes' to things that don't benefit us, then how will we have room for opportunities that WILL add something to our lives? If we can de-clutter our lives of meaningless or, even worse, harmful things, then we can open up for things/people/opportunities that have the potential of being great for us!

I took this idea to my fibromyalgia support meeting this month. So often, people with FM are 'caregivers' not 'caretakers' - meaning we give care to others but find it difficult to take care from others. We find it so hard to say no, because we're people pleasers. As as result, we're often neglecting our own needs, and our bodies suffer. I've long thought that having FM was our bodies secret way of MAKING us stop and take care of ourselves. I talked with my peers at group, and I hope this idea took root:

We need to learn to say 'no', so that we're available to say 'yes'!

It's all a matter of deciding upon our level of involvement based on what will benefit our greater good.

Involution: going on my 'word of the day' calendar (if I had one!)